Avoiding a feedback conversation at work? Tension building? Ask yourself—what’s beneath the hesitation?

Many leaders struggle with giving feedback to direct reports, peers, or even their own leaders, often fearing upsetting the other person, conflict, or not knowing how to navigate the conversation.

No shame! Fear is real, it’s information, and often rooted in past experiences.

But avoiding feedback doesn’t make it go away—it widens the gap, fractures trust and builds more tension. The toughest part? Waiting so long that it feels impossible to address and, it’s deeply painful for the other person to be surprised, hearing you’ve held onto these thoughts and feelings for so long. In comes shame, fear, frustration in the other person. Trust crumbles.

What can you do? If the conversation matters, delaying only makes it harder. Two models that help:
– FIS: Feedback (fact-based, no judgment), Impact (using “I” statements), Solutions (co-created with commitments)
– Dare to Lead’s Engaged Feedback Model

A few tips:
·       Consider the impact of having vs. avoiding the conversation, and conducting it in a timely manner. Thoughtful, humble feedback can build trust.
·       Ask permission to offer the feedback, ensuring you’re both in an aligning headspace to have the conversation. Imposing feedback when one or both of you are stressed is a recipe that doesn’t mix well.
·       Draft thoughts in advance, sleep on it, imagine being in the other person’s shoes receiving it.
·       Cool the ego—lead with humility and curiosity. You might discover ways you can improve too, being open to hearing what the other person shares!

Got a feedback conversation that’s been on your mind? Hopefully, this sparks your next move! If you’ve learned something from past feedback experiences, share below!