Did you talk about someone today who wasn’t there to hear what you had to say? Was it constructive, or did it veer off into the gossip terrain, offloading hurt or stress?

Themes I’ve noticed of those who are processing with constructive intent:
·       They’re processing to seek clarity or solutions.
·       They’re discussing something with a trusted individual for support.
·       They are reflective, trying to make sense of a situation or dynamic.
·       Often, they may be trying to understand different perspectives.
·       Most of the time, they want to figure out how to problem-solve and open to their role in doing so.

Signs of gossip:
·       Spreading negativity or criticism.
·       Talking behind someone’s back, often in a way they wouldn’t speak to the person directly.
·       Judgment and sarcasm are present.
·       Trust is bruised with indirect, avoidant or destructive communication.
·       A person is often the target versus interest to repair the issue or relationship.

Processing can be on the edge at times too, even with the best intentions. Gossip, however, just plain hurts people. The behaviour of gossip can spread. It gets normalized, and quickly. As leaders, we model our cultural norms daily, shaping what we wish to cultivate and tolerate. Pausing to distinguish between gossip and constructive processing can make a difference in whether we build up or take down trust, psychological safety, and constructive communication—creating spaces where people belong, learn, share ideas, and challenge each other without fear.

Before discussing someone who isn’t in the room, what questions might help you reflect on your intention and approach? And if you’re with someone who is gossiping, how might you handle that moment to set the tone you wish for?

Note on psychological safety is with inspiration from Timothy R. Clark.