The Relationship We Often Neglect

So many of us look outward—seeking validation, striving to contribute, giving endlessly. It’s natural. We want to belong, to make an impact. But in that pursuit, we often neglect the most important relationship: the one with ourselves.

I see it all the time—leaders, business owners, and high achievers pushing so hard they become depleted, even resentful. Their battery drains, yet they don’t know how to recharge or deprioritize and avoid it. I know that pattern well. I lived off that energy until I had to go inward, do the deep work, and rebuild in a more sustainable, authentic way.

Last week, I wrote about my Personal Board of Directors—with me as the Chair of myself, and my inner “battery”. Daily, I prioritize one small act of joy, creativity, or play—and movement as a foundation for how I lead, cope, and live. At the end of each workday, I take a moment to pause, check in, and realign from within before showing up for others.

What began as calendar reminders are now ingrained habits. Slips happen, but I know how to reset when I get disconnected from within, to reconnect with myself. I owe it to myself to feel good, stay true to my values, and show up more fulsomely in the world.

It’s easy to lose ourselves in the hustle. But when we prioritize the relationship with ourselves, we align our heads, hearts, and bodies—stepping into the world with greater resilience and authenticity, ready to do our best work and be who we truly are.

So, what’s one small thing you can begin to strengthen your relationship with yourself?

“A mistake is not a mistake if we can learn from it.”

We’ve all heard “there’s no such thing as failure, only learning.” But how that lands really depends on the culture you create.

If we treat failure punitively, we:

  • Undermine confidence and belonging
  • Demotivate others
  • Create fear
  • Disempower ideas and perspectives
  • Stifle creativity, productivity, and growth

It’s a heavy toll to pay.

But when we view failure as a learning opportunity, we:

  • Foster a supportive, motivating environment
  • Encourage adaptability and problem-solving
  • Strengthen decision-making
  • Turn setbacks into growth opportunities
  • Build healthier communication, rooted in emotional intelligence

So, here’s the question: Are you creating a space where it’s safe to learn, even from mistakes? If not, could there be a new way to reframe errors as possibilities?

Psychological safety is a big topic, and learning from mistakes is just one part of it. In times of uncertainty, fear is natural—but learning drives progress. Mistakes can be powerful but often become costly when we don’t allow ourselves to learn from them.

My wish for more teams and organizational cultures is we continue to consciously work towards systems with less fear and more room for learning.

Together we have work to do. What might be a constructive starting point?

Two great resources to explore with much appreciation for their work: Fearless Organization by Amy Edmondson and The Four Stages of Psychological Safety by Timothy R. Clark.

Thanks to Maeve O’Byrne, (she/her) PCC, MAIS, CEC for this wonderful quote in a webinar on psychological safety recently, with appreciation for Neil Pretty for expertise and time.

The power of a Personal Board of Directors: you’re never alone

A huge thank you to my Personal Board of Directors—you know who you are! Some of you are here, others are in different parts of my life, and I’m deeply grateful for all of you.

People sometimes ask if working for myself feels lonely. My answer? Never. I just have to remember to ask for help, and—voilà—you’re there.

As Brené Brown says, “We’re hardwired for connection.” We’re not meant to navigate life’s struggles and joys alone. When I was about to launch my practice, my biggest fear was doing it solo. My coach at the time, Sylvie Marcil, kindly but directly challenged me: “Do you have to do it alone?” That question changed everything. I realized I had an incredible circle of support—friends, family, chosen family, mentors, coaches, healers, and peers. My Personal Board of Directors.

Now, when my clients feel stuck, I ask, “Who’s on your Personal Board of Directors that could help with this?” And just like that, light bulbs go off. Support can come from so many places—friends, family, peers, therapists, unconventional healers. And I’m there too.

If you’re struggling with something big (or exciting!), who can you reach out to? We often hesitate to ask for help, but the people in our corner usually love to show up for us. Try naming your Board, letting them know, and see how much it means—to you and to them.

In uncertain, challenging times, strong, trusted connections matter more than ever. So thank you, Sylvie, for that nudge. And to my Board—you know I’ve got your back too.

 

“Change management is all about loss management.”

When we reality-check the people side of change management, we see a grief process unfold. Change means losing what’s familiar—some embrace it, while others feel threatened or saddened. As leaders, we can either acknowledge and support this emotional journey or ignore it.

Uncomfortable with emotion, especially when leading others through it? That’s part of change leadership. It’s messy but rewarding as we build capacity over time.

What’s your learning edge in supporting people through change?

 

Gossip Versus Processing: How To Tell The Difference

Did you talk about someone today who wasn’t there to hear what you had to say? Was it constructive, or did it veer off into the gossip terrain, offloading hurt or stress?

Themes I’ve noticed of those who are processing with constructive intent:
·       They’re processing to seek clarity or solutions.
·       They’re discussing something with a trusted individual for support.
·       They are reflective, trying to make sense of a situation or dynamic.
·       Often, they may be trying to understand different perspectives.
·       Most of the time, they want to figure out how to problem-solve and open to their role in doing so.

Signs of gossip:
·       Spreading negativity or criticism.
·       Talking behind someone’s back, often in a way they wouldn’t speak to the person directly.
·       Judgment and sarcasm are present.
·       Trust is bruised with indirect, avoidant or destructive communication.
·       A person is often the target versus interest to repair the issue or relationship.

Processing can be on the edge at times too, even with the best intentions. Gossip, however, just plain hurts people. The behaviour of gossip can spread. It gets normalized, and quickly. As leaders, we model our cultural norms daily, shaping what we wish to cultivate and tolerate. Pausing to distinguish between gossip and constructive processing can make a difference in whether we build up or take down trust, psychological safety, and constructive communication—creating spaces where people belong, learn, share ideas, and challenge each other without fear.

Before discussing someone who isn’t in the room, what questions might help you reflect on your intention and approach? And if you’re with someone who is gossiping, how might you handle that moment to set the tone you wish for?

Note on psychological safety is with inspiration from Timothy R. Clark.

Why Are We So Afraid of Conflict at Work?

“Conflict is inevitable”, they said during my Conflict Dynamics training at Mediation Training Institute at Eckerd College. I felt a weighted acceptance normalizing conflict as not only unavoidable but essential for trust, creativity, diversity, better decision-making and a call for us to step further into emotional intelligence.

Many of us fear conflict. In comes narrative… Judgment. Things could get worse. The job could be at risk. Avoidance could solve it. It’s too uncomfortable. The power dynamics are uneasy. The outcome is unknown. Past experiences with conflict were tough.

How do we bridge the gap from fear to constructive conflict? Moving from fear to constructive conflict starts with self-awareness, empathy, curiosity, and intentionality. Growth, healing, and learning new tools take time, and key to handling conflict with grace.

Here are a few practical tips from my experience—working with leaders and teams, navigating tough moments myself, and being an avid learner on the topic.

·      Ensure both parties consent and are grounded before starting.
·      Set shared ground rules (e.g., facts over assumptions, “I” vs. “we” statements, non-judgment, curiosity, no interrupting, a plan for de-escalation).
·      Focus on shared goals and values, not just the issue at hand.
·      Check in on alignment and emotional safety throughout.
·      Self-regulate emotions (deep belly breaths work wonders!).
·      Accept that you may need to agree to disagree or acknowledge different recollections.
·      Let go of controlling the outcome—only your intent and approach are within your control.
·      Sometimes, walking away is a fair choice, especially when risks are high.
·      Consider using SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact) for clear, constructive feedback from the Center for Creative Leadership.

Fear of conflict is information. It doesn’t have to block constructive conversations, but it helps assess if we are safe to proceed, and in our values. As a beloved friend says, “You have voice and choice” in these moments.

Conscious, creative tensions can be worth the inner tensions we feel. Dynamics, how things get done, and outcomes we strive for, can benefit in profound ways.

What resonates with you here? What would you add or change? This is a complex topic, and I share it as an ongoing learner too!

Why Is Leading Change So Hard?

I used to work with a fun, sharp team that laughed every time someone said, “change is hard.” It became our inside joke—we’d say it over the smallest changes and crack up. Looking back, we were leading a big change effort that felt unending, and I think the laughter was pure stress relief.

Change fatigue is real. Future shock is real. Change and grief are close relatives. And because we all experience change differently, leading it can feel exhausting. From my own leadership experience and coaching others, one thing stands out: the biggest mistake is forgetting about the people side of change. If people feel left behind, we’ll see resistance, disengagement, tension, and even people leaving. These risks are preventable.

Are we bringing people with us, or leaving them behind? Questions to think about which can support going from hard, to constructive and meaningful for those involved:

1.     Clarity & Engagement
o  Are people clear on the vision for change, why it’s happening, and how it aligns with organizational goals?
o  Have their voices been engaged in shaping the change?

2.     Support & Readiness
o  What conditions are needed for success? How can we identify and address resistance, fears, and emotional responses?
o  Do people feel supported and equipped to navigate the change? What investments (e.g., skill-building) could help?

3.     Ongoing Engagement
o  How are people being involved throughout the process to prevent disengagement and change fatigue?
o  How are we ensuring no one is left behind, and that the change remains relevant and sustainable?

4.     Leadership & Accessibility
o  How are leaders demonstrating commitment and consistency in messaging and actions?
o  Are you available for discussions, concerns, and ideas from those leading and impacted by the change?

5.     Measuring Progress & Adjustments
o  How will we assess change acceptance, identify gaps, and course-correct as needed?

Leading change takes vision, empathy, curiosity, clear communication, patience, and grit. It’s about addressing concerns while helping people see themselves in the future you’re building. It’s messy and unpredictable, but when done right, it drives both personal growth and business success. The hard parts often lead to the biggest rewards.

What’s one thing you can do to make change feel easier for you and those around you?

Emotions at Work: What Are They Telling Us?

Crying at work happens. I’ve been there in my first career, and thankfully, I’ve had peers and leaders who made space for it without shame. Often, the tears came from frustration, stress, or overwhelm. In the past, I’d leave work, embarrassed. Now, I see tears as information that can sometimes lead to new awareness and clear next moves.

I often see clients cry too, followed by an immediate “I’m sorry.” Why? Embarrassment. I gently remind them, “tears are welcome here”, and we explore what’s going on inside those tears.

Tears are a release of emotional buildup, signaling a need for support, change, or understanding. They can:
·       Release stress hormones (like cortisol) and reset the body.
·       Activate calm by engaging the parasympathetic nervous system.
·       Release endorphins and oxytocin, improving mood and reducing pain.
·       Inspire vulnerability, growth, and self-awareness.
·       Signal unmet needs that require attention.
·       Strengthen empathy, connection, and relationships.
·       Unleash creativity and problem-solving when managed with emotional intelligence and agility.
·       Be a sign of joy, sentiment, being deeply moved too!

So, next time you cry at work, instead of feeling embarrassed, ask yourself: what truth might these tears hold? If you need space, allow yourself the time, space and maybe even invite support from someone you feel safe with and trust, to let the tears flow and see what gifts want to come of the release.

tearsatwork emotionsatwork motionalintelligence emotionalagility fervornuggetsoftruth courageovercomfort livewithfervor leadwithfervor

Timely Feedback: Building Trust vs. Fractures

Avoiding a feedback conversation at work? Tension building? Ask yourself—what’s beneath the hesitation?

Many leaders struggle with giving feedback to direct reports, peers, or even their own leaders, often fearing upsetting the other person, conflict, or not knowing how to navigate the conversation.

No shame! Fear is real, it’s information, and often rooted in past experiences.

But avoiding feedback doesn’t make it go away—it widens the gap, fractures trust and builds more tension. The toughest part? Waiting so long that it feels impossible to address and, it’s deeply painful for the other person to be surprised, hearing you’ve held onto these thoughts and feelings for so long. In comes shame, fear, frustration in the other person. Trust crumbles.

What can you do? If the conversation matters, delaying only makes it harder. Two models that help:
– FIS: Feedback (fact-based, no judgment), Impact (using “I” statements), Solutions (co-created with commitments)
– Dare to Lead’s Engaged Feedback Model

A few tips:
·       Consider the impact of having vs. avoiding the conversation, and conducting it in a timely manner. Thoughtful, humble feedback can build trust.
·       Ask permission to offer the feedback, ensuring you’re both in an aligning headspace to have the conversation. Imposing feedback when one or both of you are stressed is a recipe that doesn’t mix well.
·       Draft thoughts in advance, sleep on it, imagine being in the other person’s shoes receiving it.
·       Cool the ego—lead with humility and curiosity. You might discover ways you can improve too, being open to hearing what the other person shares!

Got a feedback conversation that’s been on your mind? Hopefully, this sparks your next move! If you’ve learned something from past feedback experiences, share below!

The Blank Page: Navigating Low Motivation

The blank page stares back. Energy and motivation are wavering. I’m hearing this from some of my leadership clients just days into a new year.

They’re perplexed, asking themselves, “Why? There’s so much to do!” What’s at the root of this?

For some, it’s lingering burnout, finally noticed after a break, sparking questions about life and career. Others feel stuck, knowing a job change is needed but overwhelmed by it. Some are carrying heavy grief from their personal lives.

No wonder the page feels blank! Yet, these capable leaders are often their own harshest critics, piling on more pressure.

Low motivation is information, if we listen.

–       What does your mind or body need most—rest, movement, connection, or space?
–       What small step can you take today to care of yourself?
–       With a dose of self-compassion, how might your mindset shift?

Tip: Self-compassion, as Kristin Neff teaches us, includes self-kindness, recognizing our shared humanity, and mindfulness (being present with emotions without judgment).

Motivation and what boosts it is deeply personal. For some, clarifying goals, values, and finding meaning or belonging serve. For others, accepting the need for space for other life priorities is helpful, or asserting their needs to create better alignment.

Low motivation can feel like an inner battle—and it doesn’t have to be.

With a blank page you get to author, what are you noticing and what might you act on next?

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